A LETTER FROM A MOTHER’S HEART
I tried to think of something creative to make for my little Prince before he arrived, after all I’m an artist. Well that didn’t work out. I was using all my creative juices for my exhibit that was happening weeks before his big entrance to the world. So I decided to write to him. Words have always helped me express my feelings.
Dear Future Son,
I might as well call you Prince because that is what you are to me and your father. We have had you on our minds for many years. Always wondering if we would be blessed with the opportunity to be parents. We prayed so much and God gave us you.
I will be honest and tell you, I was the one who gave up. I’m the one that said no more. I’m the one who thought it was just not going to happen, that we were just not meant to be parents. I kept telling myself that it was fine, that I didn’t need to be a mother. That your father and I would make the most out of life together and have an adventurous live with no kids.
Of course I was wrong. I was trying to convince myself and your father. Trying to prepare us for what I thought would never happen. I hated seeing your father’s sad face each time he thought we could be pregnant and I had to break the news that we weren’t. The adventurous life part, we will still have except you will be included.
The day we found out you were growing inside of me changed my life. Floods of emotions and protection mode kicked in. Now that the miracle had happened I didn’t want anything to go wrong. I wanted you so bad, I didn’t know how I never noticed this desire before. God knew I needed you in my life to be complete.
I tried to eat healthy, I mean I ate all kinds of vegetables. I hate them, but I did it for you. I deprived myself of so much sugar, and I’m the Queen of sweets. I avoided so many art supplies, just in case. I tried not to get mad or upset. I feared that you could feel it. Again I didn’t want anything to go wrong, it took too long to make you.
As the days get closer and I still don’t have your room ready I try to imagine if you would like how I’m preparing it. Will you like the colors? What toys will you play with? What style of clothes will you choose to wear? You have plenty in your closet, cowboy for daddy, biker and hipster for mommy and preppy for your aunt.
Speaking of your aunt, she’s been so happy that you’re coming since I told her. You are her only nephew, she had come to believe she wouldn’t experience being an aunt. Remind me to tell you in detail her reaction when she found out I was pregnant.
Your father is going to tell you that I wanted a little girl and I did. It was because I thought that I could give her all that was missing from my childhood and all that was allowed to go wrong in my life. I know now that I needed all the bad that to happen to make sure I give you the best life possible. I’m sorry by the way for the first months, when you kept hearing me refer to you as she and calling you that girl name. I am beyond thrilled to have my Prince come into my life.
As you grow in my belly I’m starting to get a sense of your personality. You’ve already let me know you like me singing to you, especially Selena songs. You always react to daddy’s booming voice. I’m sure you hate those pesky hiccups because you kick me more than normal during and after. I hope you have that spunky personality I’m already seeing.
I promise you as of now that I will love you and not be that controlling mother most men seem to have. People laugh at me when I say this, like it’s impossible to be any other way when you’re a mother to a boy. I’m putting it in writing to hold myself accountable and because I know I can make it happen. I want to be a part of your life forever and not push you away. I know I’ll raise you to be strong and make healthy decisions that you won’t need me there to control all aspects of your life.
Who ever you will become and whatever you will be like, I’m ready baby! I’m ready to hold you in my arms and tell you, I’ve been waiting for you, to love you and be the best mother I can be to you.
A Mother in love
I wrote this before my Prince was born but never could quite decide if I wanted to make it public or on what photographs to use for the post. I waited and now it feels right and I have plenty of pictures of him to add.